post surgery + a thank you to Matthew.

It’s now 9 weeks since my first surgery, 7 weeks since my scar popped open and 3 weeks since my second little operation.  I’m still in daily pain, and I’ve had to give up university for this year.  I’m on painkillers everyday, but I’m making slow and steady progress.  I managed to go swimming twice this week, and managed 10 lengths of the pool each time.  Having something like this happen to you makes you appreciate the small things in life.  Doing 10 lengths of the pool feels like a marathon, and I still get a bit panicky if I’m away from my parents for a long time, but I’m doing well.  I’ve taken having a stoma in my stride, it feels like I’ve always had it!  Her name is Sally, and she’s become my friend. 🙂 for two years I couldn’t eat without being in pain, and having an ileostomy has allowed me to live a different life! 
Having such major surgery forces you to change the way you live, and I’d like to think I’ve taken it in my stride.  There are only two time I can think of that I’ve really cried my eyes out, and I rarely cry! 
The first time was when I was browsing Facebook, and realised that whilst my friends were out partying, and complaining about having hangovers, I was on the sofa, applying for disability benefits, and struggling to walk 20 metres.  Never mind worrying about what drink I was going to buy for tonights shenanigans!  But then I took the time out to realise something…I was alive.  Well and truly alive. Yes, I’d had a hard 8 weeks, but in the long run, 8 weeks is hardly anything.  I had the ability to live my life, and boy was I going to live it! At that moment I told myself I was only going to look at this positively. 
The second time I cried to the point of wanting to throw up was when I saw Matthew for the first time after a month. (He’s had to move to England for work for 6 months.) Matthew is my best friend, he’s the only friend who has been consistent throughout this whole ordeal, albeit I’ve become massively closer to a few other people during this time.  But I’ve been with Matthew for 4 years, so he’s seen it all.  When I first started getting ill, he was the only person to continuously believe me.  He would rub my back for hours on end when I was in agony, he would cuddle me when I had no energy to move.  He would leave parties early when he could see I was struggling, he would text me every day and make sure I was okay.  He would bring my sweeties and presents to try and make me feel better, and he didn’t once doubt that I was ill.  He came to the hospital with me, and held my hand when I felt completely alone.  He has been more than a friend and more than a boyfriend to me.  For two years he was practically my carer, and I will be eternally grateful to him.  He is a unique and incredible human being and I am so so proud of his gentle nature and beautiful personality.  I will love him forever.


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