I need to make the times I’ve cried 3 now. I posted this blog yesterday mainly for myself, I needed an outlet to talk about what had happened, I’ve read a gazzilion pages on the internet, that say this is a part of grieving that is completely normal; to want to talk and talk about what has happened. They say that I need to grieve for the loss that I’ve had. But I don’t see it as a loss, yes, I’ve had 20cm of my bowel removed, and I’ve had to defer this year at university. BUT I’ve gained a freakin’ awesome scar, a new (pain free (almost)) shot at life! and it’s made me really appreciate the little things. Reading the response I’m getting by simply telling my story is overwhelming. I’m sitting in the living room, reading the incredible things people are writing, and I just had a good old cry! I am so touched that you have all taken the time out to read my story, and even more time to write a message to me, thank you so much.
If I’ve learned one thing from this whole experience it’s to not sweat the small stuff:
1. If you’re having a fight with someone you love, forgive them! Not many things can be so awful that you can’t forgive the people you love, because if you were to ever lose them you’d never forgive yourself, and that’s a whole lot worse.
2. Take 10 minutes out of each day completely and utterly for yourself, NO facebook, NO mobile phones. Just completely and utterly alone, it feels so healthy.
3. Look out for the little things and smile. I was in the pool last week and a little boy splashed me, instead of getting angry, I splashed him back. When the annoying old people are walking too slowly in front of you, notice them holding hands and take a minute to think “that could be me some day” and more than anything, when you feel yourself getting angry at stupid little things, just stop. Life is far too short. 🙂
I’m taking everything in one day at a time since my operation. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think “eughhh, I can’t be bothered empyting my bag!!!!” But it has just become a part of my day. I was in the lift at uni a few weeks ago, and Sally let out a MASSIVE fart and it made me laugh so much. I must have looked like a complete and utter nut, farting away in the corner of a lift and then snorting with laughter. The poor woman I was in the lift with couldn’t get out quick enough. But you’ve just got to take it in your stride! One minute my bag will be completely empty, and the next it will be completely full. I always have to know where the nearest toilet is, and I carry around a spare set of clothes just in case Sally desides to freak out and expell everything I’ve eaten in the past day in a nanosecond. But that’s just part of me, and all you can do is accept it and move on. 🙂
If anyone has any questions about living with a stoma, or how to use the bags, how to clean it, PLEASE just ask, I won’t be offended and no question is too silly! I would love to help.