Faulty fairytale.

There lay a beautiful young woman. Her hair fell from her head like water from a fall, delicately swaying with each intake of her sweet, delicious breathe. Her pale skin highlighted her piercing blue eyes, making them leap from her, and into your soul. She didnt need to use words with those blue, blue eyes, they spoke wonders. Full of life. Her neck curved perfectly down to her wonderfully sculpted shoulders, each lifted slightly to brace the cold. Her stomach was one of immense beauty; slightly rounded with perfectly proportioned hips. Her skin was like velvet, soft and inviting and right above her…What!? A shitsack!? That’s not part of the fairytale!
– but life isn’t a fairytale, is it? I’ve realised now, more than ever, that you can’t script your life. You can’t plan out how you are going to look, live, and feel in advance. It’s a day by day thing, you have to live life gradually, grasping at whatever is thrown your way. I’ve also realised that you have to take the good and the bad, because with one, comes the other. Today I started my new job, I was so excited about a new beginning, a new adventure if you will. All was going well until I smelt that heart stopping smell that I knew all too well. Yes, on my very first day, my ileostomy bag had decided to remove itself from my skin, leaving the content to make it’s way down my stomach, covering me, my underwear and my trousers in an ungodly substance. I promptly went to the toilet, cleaned myself up and put on a new bag, I remained calm and collected, not letting on to anyone what had happened. I carried on my day, but my heart wasn’t in it, the new excitement had gone, my hope of a new beginning had been crushed by the stark reminder that life isn’t a fairytale, I’m not a princess, and things just won’t happen how you intended them to. At the end of the day I climbed in to my car feeling dirty and numb. My own body had failed me yet again and I was so, so upset. It was as if I was on autopilot, my body just drove the car, but tears were streaming down my face, I was struggling to breathe with the huge sobs that appeared to be taking over my body. I was mortified, yet again. I got home and continued to cry, it appears this mishap had upset me much more than the previous. In fact I was still sobbing until around 10 minutes ago when I began to write this paragraph and I realised I shouldn’t be mortified, this is who I am now. it’s not how I planned to be when I was 19, i didn’t expect to have a portion of my small intestine on the outside of my body. Nor did I plan to have a 10 inch scar inhabiting my stomach, but that’s just what happens. I need to realise that no matter how much planning I do, or preparation I take life will always throw one more challenge your way to make sure you’re paying attention. If things like this do happen, all I need to do is remind myself that I have a wonderful family, who love every part of me (including my faulty bowels) I have a man in my life that is not only my best friend, but the most wonderful boyfriend I could imagine and I have friends who I know will love me unconditionally no matter what. I have been on one hell of a ride and if all it takes is me writing a blog each time I feel down to remind myself of what I have, then maybe my fairytale life isn’t so far fetched after all.


10 thoughts on “Faulty fairytale.

  1. Hi roisin I just want to say youa are one amazing girl can’t believe you when threw this and came outcthebither end still as confident an full off life you are an inspiration to young girls out there hi need to believe in themself serious our so strong an brave seriously an amazing girl xx

  2. There are many like you Roisin, out there. You must have such strength & support from your family to make you where you are today. Keep strong! What a talented composer! An admirable quality.

  3. What an amazing and brave person you are, truly inspirational and also so lucky to have such a great family around you! x

  4. My darling Roisin. We all have good days and bad days. It’s how you deal with it that makes you the wonderful person you are. When you look back in years to come you will be a strong beautiful woman who has been shaped by this experience. You are alive, we all love you dearly and yes, you have the most lovely boyfriend in Matthew. You are inspirational but hang on in there. Ride the storm and come out that other side a new stronger woman. WE LOVE YOU xxxxxx

  5. You are truly inspirational Roisin and have an inner strength that most people fail to have.
    I know of people of your age that think life own them a living. Not you though. You sound a wonderfully mature and beautiful young lady. Keep strong and enjoy life and the love and support of your family. xxxxx

  6. You are truly an inspiration, I have a friend with suspected chrons disease and that has really helped me understand what she might be going through right now and how she might feel. I am sitting in tears at reading this but you are so lucky and I wish you the best for the future. Xxx

  7. Hi, my mum went through the same thing 18months ago as a result of a perforated bowel then 12 months ago she had to have the same operation due to adhesions which caused her to become empackted. For anyone to have to go through that must be hell as I know mum has struggled ever since but you are an amazing person who has the rest of her life to lead and with the strength and support of your family and friends you will get through it. Be strong and be proud of yourself everyday is a challenge and every day you get stronger. Dx

  8. I’m a 26 year old guy & have had crohns for 19 years. Iv had an illiostomy for 12 years & not many people know until know. U have inspired me 2 tell the world I have a “shit bag” & I’m proud of who I am. I gave put it on my Facebook page do will c the reaction I get. Thank u so much. Xxxx

  9. Wow….heard your name over the years through Jamie & Zoe but now i feel i know you personally. I truly hope that this is your life starting again, you certainly deserve it after what you have been through. I also wish someone could publish your “letters” because unfortunately there will be others like you out there that this will happen too in the future and your words will surely help and encourage them with having to live with Crohn’s. xx

  10. Hi Roisin
    You may or may not remember, we briefly met in the Overgate a couple of weeks ago when we had a wee blether, I am so pleased to see you are kicking back, that’s the kind of spirit that will get you through anything and it sounds like you are already helping others to cope with their problems too. You have some amazing qualities and wise words for someone so young. I want you to know my admiration is way up there for you and then some.Go get em goals girl!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s