“one day, much too soon, the end will come to each of our precious, brief lifetimes; knowing this; live fearlessly; leave unchallenged not a single obstacle between yourself and the realisation of your most joyous dream”
With this being said: I’ve decided to finish my studies at university. Yes; I adore learning about the human mind, I am like a sponge, absorbing each molecule of the fascinating, intricate, beautiful workings of the wonder that is the human mind. I could sit for hours reading books, articles and the dreaded online journals simply to leave myself asking more questions than I started off with. I love psychology, it is to me as water is to a fish: vast, captivating and necessary. However, I will forever be learning about the mind. The past five months have taught me more about the mind than any book can. It is an incredible thing. Capable of storing hundreds of thousands of images, sounds and tastes. Capable of blocking out memories too raw for you to re-live. Capable of allowing you to forget excruciating pain and reminding you every day of what you are on this planet to do: live. Some view religion as their path in life, to spend their time preparing themselves for a life in heaven. Some believe they are on this planet to work, to set a goal and achieve it. Others simply have no understanding as to why they are here…yet. Some see the good in everything, others, not so much. But each and every individual is here to live. I highlight the most important word in this sentence for extra emphasis: It is only you, the individual that is capable of paving the way for your own future. I recently had what you would call an ‘off day’. I was full of hatred, blame and denial. I was angry that I was sitting in my house doing nothing, because I couldn’t do anything. I was immensely frustrated that I was told not to lift anything heavier than a kettle, I was furious at my body for being painful and I was terrified that this wasn’t the end of all my suffering. It had finally sunk in that Crohns disease is like a puppy; it is for life, not just for Christmas. Was I ready for this commitment? Could I face the fact that I may be back in hospital in a month, a year, a decade? What surgeries do I face in the future? How many more tubes will I have to have stuffed down my nose? How many things will I be unable to eat, or drink? – I was spiralling, being consumed by an unknown fear of the future and what possibilities it held. My mind is constantly thinking about my bowels, every sound they make has me on high alert, each cramp sets my adrenaline pumping: if I am to be honest with you, I am completely and utterly exhausted. I need a break from my body, I need something that will allow me to escape, so with each stomach gurgle, I urged myself to write, write and write and you know what? I feel so much better. What is the point in living life if I am afraid of what’s to come, that’s just time consuming. I re- read what I have written and I’m taking my own advice, surrounding myself with good people, good music and good food. The three things that make my life what it is: incredible. I may not wake up each day with a smile on my face but it certainly makes an appearance at some point and right now, that’s all that matters to me.
“Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance,you must keep moving.”