Do you feel alive?

Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember the quickening of your pulse, the fast, rhythmic beat of your big lion heart, pounding in it’s bony cage? The butterflies that danced in your stomach and leapt from your lips, catapulting themselves into lightening bolts, electrifying the humid air between you both? The awkward shuffle of your feet trying desperately not to stand on the others toes? This is the meaning of love: to be so completely overwhelmed, so consumed by the beauty of another human being that for a few seconds no one else exists but you and them. Passion. These are the moments that make us feel alive. Grasp them with every ounce of your being.

My loyal followers, I feel as though I owe you an apology; I have not provided you with a steady source of literature. As an avid reader myself, I know the importance of a daily or weekly update. I believe it to be almost, if not a whole month since I last updated, so please accept my sincere apologies.
However that being said, I have been watching the view count on my blog rapidly increasing. To everyone in Sweden: Tjenare! (I believe this to mean hello?) I would like to thank every single one of you reading this, it is incredible enough that people from Britain are reading my blog, but to know that people from all over the world are reading, I am completely overwhelmed. So to everyone, Hola, Goddag, Hello, Hei, Bonjour, Guten Tag, Dia dhuit, Helo, Hej! Welcome to Sallystoma, for those who are here for the first time, let me tell you a little about myself: my name is Roisin Robertson. I am a 19 year old woman from Scotland. I love reading, writing, swimming, antique furniture, music and painting my nails. I studied psychology at university for a year but I now work in an auction room. I used to have an ileostomy bag, Oh, and I have Crohns Disease.
Crohns Disease is a disorder of the digestive tract, it causes swelling, ulcers, bleeding and inflammation anywhere from your mouth to your bum. It is a life-long disease and let me tell you now: it is literally a right pain in the arse! It affects approximately 60,000 people in the UK (according to the official National Association of Crohns and Colitis website) and it is more commonly diagnosed in younger adults. My experience with Crohns disease has been both incredibly terrifying and utterly life changing. Through having this disease I have met the most amazing people, made friends from across the globe and connected with others who are suffering along side me. After struggling for two years with agonising stomach cramps, bouts of chronic constipation and/or constant diarrhoea, bleeding, extreme weight loss, hair loss, snapped nails, bruising on my joints and a borderline mental breakdown my bowel took a hissy fit and decide to spontaneously combust. As hilarious an image this is, it has been the most painful experience of my nineteen years on planet Earth and as crazy as this may sound: I wouldn’t have changed a thing. A very kind man from Sweden reminded me recently that the bad things in life are what mould you as a person. They allow you to grow, expand and blossom, in a way that is completely unique to your own life. It is something you can own and in your own sweet time, you can re live it, again and again.
For those of you who have followed me from the beginning, thank you. You’ve no idea how big a part you all played in my recovery. When I uploaded a picture of myself to Facebook in nothing but my nick-nacks, baring my ileostomy bag, I was shaking with adrenaline, unsure of the response I would receive but I was moved to tears when the notifications started pouring in with messages of support and encouragement. In a place as small as Tayside, to have hundreds of people message me was one of the best feelings you could ever imagine, I’ve saved each and ever one of your comments and I will always have them to read back again and again, so thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
The reason I am writing this post is because this blog recently reached 17,000 views, SEVENTEEN THOUSAND VIEWS! My hope when I first started writing this blog was to spread the word about a disease that wasn’t highly talked about and to have reached 17,000 views is an incredible achievement, I owe it all to you, yes, you reading this right now! So thank you, from the tippy top of my head, all the way through my slightly shorter than average bowel, down to the tips of my toes: thank you. I am eternally grateful.
If you stumble upon this blog as you are frantically searching Google for an answer to an embarrassing question about your stoma, your irregular bowel movements or a family member with Crohns then please do not hesitate to get in touch with me. I am part of a fantastic group on Facebook who I can put you in touch with, and if my personal experience can be of any help then I am right here, ready and willing to help!

As always, thank you for reading, sharing and believing. – R. x


4 thoughts on “Do you feel alive?

  1. I am not worthy! You are incredible! Promise me that you will write a book soon. You have to enlighten the rest of us with your wisdom and your words which you use like Monet used colours. Bravo, girl and I hope I didn’t put pressure on you. I’m very selfish when I say that I can’t wait until I read your next text with words that describes life in such a poetical way. Roisin, you shall only write when you feel to write.

    Your fan, Alex.

  2. I forgot! I believe in you and I will always have you as a role model when ever I have to tell my
    daughter about life and what is important in life. I had myself as an example but you beat me, girl.

    You will have a wonderful life!

  3. So …… How is the reversal ? Can you tell me what my husband will go through when they reconnect ? I pray you are doing so well and I have cried for you, knowing that nineteen is so young for this disease, but its really scary when you here about young ones 9 yrs old that are being diagnosed . Please fill me in on reversal and what you felt after and how u are doing now ! Lots of Love ❤

    1. Hello Monica! Well as you may as well know each person is different in their recovery. Depending on age, weight, gender…everyone recovers at their own speed and in their own time! But I shall give you my account: The build up to the reversal felt like a life time for me, my body was rejecting the stoma and every day I was in more and more pain. On the day of the surgery, I was talked to by the anaesthetist and we decided on an epidural instead of the morphine button. It was very routine on the day and I went into the surgery feeling good however my epidural didnt work, so I woke up in a lot of pain and had to have the morphine button anyway. I was out of hospital after about ten days and just rested at home. I you were to expect anything I would say to expect your husband to be sore, tender, aggravated and grumpy. Especially when things start to get going, he may feel like he’s never off the toilet, which is incredibly frustrating. My stomach was bloated for about a month, and I didnt start introducing bigger foods until about two months after the surgery. I still stay away from curries, excessive alcohol and really fatty foods. If I could tell you and your husband anything it would be to get ready to be very, very patient. Having surgery like a reversal is a big surgical procedure and it begins to feel like you’re getting no where, but give it time and his recovery will be fantastic. When is your husbands reversal? How are you feeling about it? Hope you’re well! – Roisin. x

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