heartbeat.


As I lay there, I realised the truth to life; it is what you make it. Nothing more, nothing less. You are simply an organism, an amalgamation of two sets of DNA. No two people are the same.  Love the fact that you are unique because once you realise this fact: Life becomes a whole lot more fun.

 

There was a time in my life that I felt entirely alone. My body was being poisoning by an abscess that was gearing itself up to burst. My mind was frayed, slowly splitting from the conflicting pieces of information it was receiving. I wasn’t alive, I was simply living. I was a shell of a human, breathing only because my body was programmed to do so. My first thought in the morning was ‘when can I get back to sleep’ yet my sleep didn’t come easily, I was simply in too much pain. In a span of two and a half years, I can count the days that I wasn’t in pain on two hands. A week in France offered me a rare bout of good health, I often conclude that France provided me with an escape from the daily reminders of my awful existence. In France I was happy. No stress, no pain; just pure happiness. I was reminded of what life should be like, but my ecstasy was short lived. I also remember having three days off from my agonising disease in June of 2011, but I know now that this was simply because I was so aggressively ill that my bowel wasn’t working properly, my good health turned out to be a warning sign that something sinister was lurking. On the 8th of September, 2011 that something tore through my body in an attempt to stop my life all together, but as you’re reading this now you can tell,  I had a different idea. Crohns – 0, Roisin – 1. I can’t speak for everyone when I say this, but when I was in hospital there were a few times when I felt like no one in the world had ever gone through what I was enduring right then.  I kept thinking “why me? why now? why do I have to miss my Mum’s 50th, my Brother’s 18th, and my boyfriends 21st birthday’s all to be sitting in this mother trucking hospital bed?” But I realise now that everyone with a chronic illness must have felt the same way at some point, and the idea that somewhere in the world, someone was struggling alongside me was incredible upsetting, you see, I knew that I would find the strength somewhere to look at the positive, I have an amazing family, an incredible boyfriend, and a set of friends that would do anything to make me smile, but what if someone else didn’t have these critical influences? Who would they turn to? Talk to? Cry to? That is the reason I’ve written this blog, if you happen to stumble upon this, please know that you are not alone; If, like me, you’ve ever been lying in a hospital bed thinking that the world is a shitty place, filled with ignorant people who take their health for granted whilst you’re having camera’s shoved in and out of different orifices, throwing up so often your teeth hurt, panicking about the nurse coming at you with the dreading Fragmin and looking forward to your liquid paracetamol because it’s the only thing that has flavour in your godforsaken liquid diet; you’re not alone. We’ve all been there and we’re all rooting for you, you can do this! It does get easier, and it does get manageable, endure what you must, enjoy while you can!

On that note, as some of you may know, May is the National Crohns and Colitis Awareness Month. That’s right, a whole month dedicated to two debilitating illness’,  that affect 1 in every 250 people in the UK. ( source: http://www.nacc.org.uk) It is a chance to get people talking about a disease that crushes its victims internally, leaving them writhing in agonising pain, feeling dirty and helpess. You see, when you’re faced with a lifelong disease, its always Crohns and Colitis Awareness Month, because you can’t escape from it. It’s the first thing you think about when you eat something new, it’s the first thing you think about when you get a sore stomach. Your mind is always spinning, thinking things such as ‘if I eat this will it set of my disease’ or ‘oh god my stomach is painful, I’m going to have to postpone everything if I need to be in hospital again’. You have to come to terms with the idea of surgery, monthly blood tests, monthly vitamin injections, malnutrition, and the idea that this disease is now a part of you whether you like it or not. That is why I am going to ask you a favour: If you do anything this month, please get people talking about #CrohnsandColitisMonth. We’re trying to get it trending  on Twitter to encourage people to find out more about a disease that many feel they have to hide.  You don’t have to donate, you don’t have to sign up to anything, just please help me and thousands of others to educate the world about a disease that takes your life and shits all over it. (pun intended) Whether you pass on this blog, or ask your Facebook friends to have a read, from myself and everyone with Crohns or Colitis: THANK YOU! Maybe the more we talk about it, the sooner a scientific genius will find a cure! 

 

As always, thank you very much for reading, sharing and believing. – R. x