Just count to 4.


Eyes flicker, merging darkness with darkness. Entering a world of infinite possibilities you soften to the sound of your own heavy breathing. Chest rising, and falling, inflating your lungs with crisp, cold air. You feel your heart beat in your chest, hear it in your temples. It’s so quiet you can almost hear the blood flooding your veins. Your fingers begin to tingle as you re-position yourself and move them from underneath your head. Flexing each finger individually, smiling at the familiarity of your hand coming back to life. You wiggle your toes, stretching out fully before curving in on yourself, hugging your arms close to your chest for warmth. You exhale, counting sheep…1, 2, 3. You Inhale, role over, flex your toes, move your hair away from your eyes. You turn, inhale, exhale. Sleep is imminent, you wait patiently for it to engulf you entirely, send you into a world all your own, when your eyes suddenly dart open. A pain sears through you, landing in your back and sending your whole body rigid. Your breathing stops, your arms shoot to your stomach instinctively. You ride the tidal wave of pain, remembering the ritual you’d taught yourself. Count to 4, slowly and surely. 1, it radiates outward, circling your belly button, slithering and circling like a beast stalking its prey. 2, it darts inwards, as if wishing to remind you it can claim whichever part of you it wants. 3, it tightens around you, inside and out you feel yourself clench. Your breathing is sharp, your lungs failing to cope with the intensity. 4, it begins to ease off, your vice-like grip around your stomach loosens. You are catapulted back into reality, sleep a distant memory. A pain only lasting a few seconds, but the destruction is obvious. You can’t sleep, can you? Maybe you can. Surely this time you can. You flex your toes, roll over and feel your arm beginning to sleep, the familiar tingle darting up your arm. Your eyes close, you focus on your breathing. You roll over, you smile, you can feel the blood circling your head, reminding you everything is working. You breathe, in and then out, in and then out. You relax. Your body softens, you clutch yourself for warmth. You smile. Everything is okay, everything will be okay. You feel your eyes close and your mouth fall open, sleep is fast approaching. You turn, you stretch, you breathe.   

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